“You have cancer. ” It’s been 6 months since I heard those wretched words. In less than an instant, my entire life changed, along with my perspective on most things. A million questions rolled through my mind–How could I have cancer? Why would I have cancer? Am I going to die? How am I going to tell my family and friends? What about my suitcase full of dirty laundry that I hadn’t even unpacked yet? I’m telling you–it was more than a notion. It was overwhelming.
Since that day, I’ve had more doctors visits than I have over the rest of my entire life. I went from only taking an occasional headache reliever to carrying around a tote bag full of prescription medicines. Where I used to be out and about all day everyday, I was grounded for months–hardly ever leaving the house. Folks that I had been besties with for years stopped having anything to do with me, but other folks quickly took their places. My conversations were peppered with completely foreign words like Carboplatin (a chemotherapy drug), thrombosis (blood clot) and neuropathy (peripheral nerve damage).
And then there was chemo. Yes, there was chemo. At this point, the only thing I hate more than cancer is chemotherapy. It is the absolute WORST experience ever. My heart breaks for everyone dealing with it. It really isn’t pleasant. If I was a profanity user, I’d have some CHOICE words for it.
But, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s unlikely that anyone will ever look at me again and say that I’m completely healthy and normal. The most that I can hope for is NED (No Evidence of Disease). And that, my friends, is where is I am today. No evidence of disease. As wonderful a gift as those words are, they also bring on a new set of issues for me. Here’s the deal–I’ve been given a 90-95% chance of having a recurrence. So, while I’m dancing with my new boyfriend, NED, I’m also hypersensitive to anything that happens that could mean the cancer is back.
However, you guys know me. While I’m waiting for if/when that happens, I am SO living life right now. I’ve got all kinds of things going on and LIFE.IS.GOOD.