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Mayday! Mayday!


Today is May 1st.  I’ve had the date circled on the calendar for months–not because I was going to wrap the May Pole, like we used to do in elementary school, but because it represented something to me–HOPE.  The day that I circled it was a BAD day.  I was in the throngs on chemo.  I looked at my chemo schedule and determined that May 1 would be the day the I would probably start feeling better.  It seemed so far away and I simply couldn’t fathom ever feeling “better” again.

Well, its here.  Do I feel better?  Yes and no.  I’m glad that chemo is over for now.  The upcoming scans that will determine how well it worked?  That’s a whole different story and could be one of the things that keep me awake at night.

I was notified of the deaths of two different friends this week.  Both from cancer.  Both diagnosed after me.  I have another friend that recently sent me a text that simply said, “I’m in hospice.”  While I dread these notifications, I know that one day they’ll have my name attached to them.

Anxiety gnaws at the edges of my life.  Anxiety about living, anxiety about dying.  Anxiety about planning something for a birthday four months away.  Will I be well?  Will I be living?  Will I be able?

All that aside, it IS May Day.  I’m writing again.  I scheduling tavel.  I’m grateful.  I’m BACK!

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8 Responses to “Mayday! Mayday!”

  1. Jewel I hate to hear the things you are going through, but I am glad you are keeping us informed. You are sooo loved and soo thought of in many ways.. Way more then expressed I am sure. I always know when you are feeling stronger, because that’s when you write! Your stories inform and inspire me. I am glad you tell us as much as you do.. good, bad ad hopeful. Love you lady!!

  2. Cherri Buzz says:

    You are such an inspiration! Love you so much

  3. Susa says:

    “Crumpie” I prayed for you last night and as I mentioned yesterday in our conversation, don’t give up. I can’t even comprehend what you are going thru, but I am here to listen and give you encouragment, love and there is always hope. As I read this blog it brought tears to my eyes. I can’t express how much you mean to me as we have been chatting for years. Hang in there lady…I love you.

  4. Adriene says:

    YES!!!!! Jewel is writing!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!

  5. Adriene says:

    It is so good to see you writing. I often have been here rereading old post. I so want to stay connected to you. You do your thing girl. You are the best. Love you

  6. Shasta says:

    I’m glad you’re writing again. I hope to see more and I am praying for you. You are so incredibly strong, and I know how terrifying this journey is. If you ever need anything please let me know.

  7. Rachel says:

    Jewel – You are an inspiration! Keep on living and fighting the good fight. We’re all standing behind you :)

  8. Welcome back and Happy May Day Jewel!

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